Dating chatti

38 [F4M] #SoCal4SoCal - LTR. I'm looking for my guy. He'll love cats and dogs, want marriage and kids.

2020.12.03 01:11 RedditSuggestName 38 [F4M] #SoCal4SoCal - LTR. I'm looking for my guy. He'll love cats and dogs, want marriage and kids.

TL;DR: BBW, loves Disneyland, TV and her pets (2 cats and 1 dog); looking for a fellow DDF guy, who wants to get married and have kids in a couple years, too.
My dream is to find the whole 9 yards: friendship, fall in love, get married, raise kids together, with our pets; then we retire someplace warm or with a beach view. Does that sound good to anyone else?
I'm looking for a serious, long term, monogamous relationship.
I hope to meet someone with some similar interests, so we have something in common, but not someone exactly the same as me, because I don't think that'd be interesting or make for a good partnership.
We’d be partners that help each other out, making life more enjoyable along the way.
If my long post is any indication, I’m a chatty texter; I respond as soon as I can. I will send things that remind me of you. Tell you how my day went, will want to hear about yours. I miss waking up to a good morning and ending the day with a good night text.
Apparently I have to say this explicitly. Only message if you are single and are also looking for commitment.
Locals only, because I do want to meet; COVID safe of course.
Be prepared to video chat. I have no desire to be catfished.
If you're allergic to cats and/or dogs, please don't message me. I know from experience, it's not going to go anywhere.
THE LONG POST:
I'll always have indoor pets in my life.
Let's see, I've watched: Ozark, Narcos, Narcos Mexico, Dead to Me, Legacies, Living with Yourself, Preacher, Fleabag, Silicon Valley, Twin Peaks (old, movie and new), Ray Donovan, On Becoming a God in Central FL, Penny Dreadful, The Umbrella Academy, Perry Mason, The Boys, Atlanta, What We Do in the Shadows (still need to watch the movie; it's not on any of my streaming services right now), The Orville, Atypical, rewatching Supernatural.
Honestly, if there isn't at least a plan to meet within a month of talking, I'm out. I'm not looking for a penpal.
(I’m not a cook, so eat out at like Chipotle and poke bowl places.
I like going to fancy restaurants a couple times a year.
I’ll only go to concerts if I’ve got a good seat. This usually means buying the ticket the moment they go on sale. I’m not paying scalper prices.
For travel, I like to do it as economical as possible. Though when I went to Europe, I had the fold down seat on the airplane; no way was I flying 17 hours in economy. But it wasn’t the fanciest seat either; it was the middle version.
I like staying at fancy hotels on occasion, but booked well in advance to get a good deal, which is about $300/night.
I have a Disneyland annual pass, I do get a cheap hotel there on occasion, when I can be there for 2 days in a row; doggy goes with me. Hopefully you’ll have or want a pass too; if you don’t like going, fine, but help buy them for our kids).
We’re adults here; adults pay their own way.
I am NOT looking to be a sugar baby and won’t be someone else’s sugar momma.
Only a guy willing to to get an STD test and wear condoms gets to touch me.
I'm not into any pain, only pleasure, for both parties.
No, I’m not looking for anything casual or a FWB. No we would not see if we’re sexually compatible out on the first few dates.
Sex is an important part of a lasting relationship, but it’s not the only thing. We have to click elsewhere before we get to sex.
Honestly, if we can't have sex at your place, then this isn't going to work out. I'm extremely tired of talking to guys who have all these seemingly reasonable parent/sibling reasons why I can't go to their place. I've had enough. It now sounds to me like these guys are really married and trying to find an unwitting mistress. I’m sorry if that isn’t you. I tried keeping an open mind, but I can’t do that anymore.
I love the idea of each of us having a private space to go to if we just need some alone time. I think that’ll be important when we have kids, and are 10+ years into this.
Honestly, the thought of sharing a bathroom again terrifies me. I think that if it was the social norm for everyone to have their own bathroom, the divorce rate would go way down.
I am looking forward to cuddling before we fall asleep and when we wake up, and having sexevery day, ha
I do need to be with someone who is okay with my animals sleeping in the room. My dog sleeps on his own side of my king sized bed. One cat usually sleeps on her own, but about 5 am, insists on sleeping on my feet. The other cat is a loaner. He sleep downstairs usually; on occasion he’ll sleep next to the dog.
Hopefully we can find some kind of compromise; maybe move to a duplex or we'd have a very big home, with a master bedroom, with attached his and her bathrooms.
Thank you for reading. I know this was long, but I know what I want. Has anyone seen the great early 2010s show Happy Endings? There’s a quote that I think describes what I’m looking for. Someone to realize: “I found a woman who was so sure of what she wanted, and she wanted me.” Brad to wife Jane, S2E18 ‘Party of Six.’
In the subject line, or first line of the chat, please put your eye color. This helps me weed through the guys who only claim to read my post. And if you really want me to respond, then mention things that we have in common. I’ve included more than enough things to kick off a conversation.
Those who need NOT apply:
submitted by RedditSuggestName to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]


2020.12.03 01:10 RedditSuggestName 38 [F4M] #SoCal4SoCal - LTR. I'm looking for my guy. He'll love cats and dogs, want marriage and kids.

TL;DR: BBW, loves Disneyland, TV and her pets (2 cats and 1 dog); looking for a fellow DDF guy, who wants to get married and have kids in a couple years, too.
My dream is to find the whole 9 yards: friendship, fall in love, get married, raise kids together, with our pets; then we retire someplace warm or with a beach view. Does that sound good to anyone else?
I'm looking for a serious, long term, monogamous relationship.
I hope to meet someone with some similar interests, so we have something in common, but not someone exactly the same as me, because I don't think that'd be interesting or make for a good partnership.
We’d be partners that help each other out, making life more enjoyable along the way.
If my long post is any indication, I’m a chatty texter; I respond as soon as I can. I will send things that remind me of you. Tell you how my day went, will want to hear about yours. I miss waking up to a good morning and ending the day with a good night text.
Apparently I have to say this explicitly. Only message if you are single and are also looking for commitment.
Locals only, because I do want to meet; COVID safe of course.
Be prepared to video chat. I have no desire to be catfished.
If you're allergic to cats and/or dogs, please don't message me. I know from experience, it's not going to go anywhere.
THE LONG POST:
I'll always have indoor pets in my life.
Let's see, I've watched: Ozark, Narcos, Narcos Mexico, Dead to Me, Legacies, Living with Yourself, Preacher, Fleabag, Silicon Valley, Twin Peaks (old, movie and new), Ray Donovan, On Becoming a God in Central FL, Penny Dreadful, The Umbrella Academy, Perry Mason, The Boys, Atlanta, What We Do in the Shadows (still need to watch the movie; it's not on any of my streaming services right now), The Orville, Atypical, rewatching Supernatural.
Honestly, if there isn't at least a plan to meet within a month of talking, I'm out. I'm not looking for a penpal.
(I’m not a cook, so eat out at like Chipotle and poke bowl places.
I like going to fancy restaurants a couple times a year.
I’ll only go to concerts if I’ve got a good seat. This usually means buying the ticket the moment they go on sale. I’m not paying scalper prices.
For travel, I like to do it as economical as possible. Though when I went to Europe, I had the fold down seat on the airplane; no way was I flying 17 hours in economy. But it wasn’t the fanciest seat either; it was the middle version.
I like staying at fancy hotels on occasion, but booked well in advance to get a good deal, which is about $300/night.
I have a Disneyland annual pass, I do get a cheap hotel there on occasion, when I can be there for 2 days in a row; doggy goes with me. Hopefully you’ll have or want a pass too; if you don’t like going, fine, but help buy them for our kids).
We’re adults here; adults pay their own way.
I am NOT looking to be a sugar baby and won’t be someone else’s sugar momma.
Only a guy willing to to get an STD test and wear condoms gets to touch me.
I'm not into any pain, only pleasure, for both parties.
No, I’m not looking for anything casual or a FWB. No we would not see if we’re sexually compatible out on the first few dates.
Sex is an important part of a lasting relationship, but it’s not the only thing. We have to click elsewhere before we get to sex.
Honestly, if we can't have sex at your place, then this isn't going to work out. I'm extremely tired of talking to guys who have all these seemingly reasonable parent/sibling reasons why I can't go to their place. I've had enough. It now sounds to me like these guys are really married and trying to find an unwitting mistress. I’m sorry if that isn’t you. I tried keeping an open mind, but I can’t do that anymore.
I love the idea of each of us having a private space to go to if we just need some alone time. I think that’ll be important when we have kids, and are 10+ years into this.
Honestly, the thought of sharing a bathroom again terrifies me. I think that if it was the social norm for everyone to have their own bathroom, the divorce rate would go way down.
I am looking forward to cuddling before we fall asleep and when we wake up, and having sexevery day, ha
I do need to be with someone who is okay with my animals sleeping in the room. My dog sleeps on his own side of my king sized bed. One cat usually sleeps on her own, but about 5 am, insists on sleeping on my feet. The other cat is a loaner. He sleep downstairs usually; on occasion he’ll sleep next to the dog.
Hopefully we can find some kind of compromise; maybe move to a duplex or we'd have a very big home, with a master bedroom, with attached his and her bathrooms.
Thank you for reading. I know this was long, but I know what I want. Has anyone seen the great early 2010s show Happy Endings? There’s a quote that I think describes what I’m looking for. Someone to realize: “I found a woman who was so sure of what she wanted, and she wanted me.” Brad to wife Jane, S2E18 ‘Party of Six.’
In the subject line, or first line of the chat, please put your eye color. This helps me weed through the guys who only claim to read my post. And if you really want me to respond, then mention things that we have in common. I’ve included more than enough things to kick off a conversation.
Those who need NOT apply:
submitted by RedditSuggestName to R4R30Plus [link] [comments]


2020.12.02 19:02 oliviaaivilo06 Chatty Broads Recap (if you care!😊)

I was interested in recapping this week’s podcast specifically since this episode focused more on Zac. And anyone who listens to Chatty Broads is aware of Bekah’s blatant distaste for Zac. So I had to hear her thoughts after this episode. Sorry if it’s too long! Also anything with the ✨are my opinions added while I was listening. Just want to clarify
Intro
✨Maybe not the best choice given the climate, but I digress. It could’ve been innocuous.
Beginning of Episode
Zac one on one
✨My goodness she’s being so childish and mean. Please let it go girl. It’s not funny, edgy, or quirky to hate on an innocent person after multiple people have told you to lay off because its so unwarranted. It’s low-key getting into bullying territory. It’s very immature on her part (in my opinion)
✨ I will note that while Bekah is saying this, off to the side Jess says “you’re just not attracted to him”. Which I believe is the truly the reason for Bekah’s irrational dislike of him. But she’s not self aware enough to admit it( in my opinion). I really don’t think she’d be expressing such disgust toward a man if she found him attractive. She literally can’t even explain why she thinks he’s so weird or creepy to her. She doesn’t have an actual reason. If she isn’t personally attracted to them, then she just “doesn’t get it”.
Back at the house
Group Date
Side convo
Night portion of date
Eazy Date
Next day
Noah vs Bennett
✨It’s honestly kinda funny
The ending
submitted by oliviaaivilo06 to thebachelor [link] [comments]


2020.12.02 01:05 RedditSuggestName 38 [F4M] #SoCal4SoCal - LTR. I'm looking for my guy. He'll love cats and dogs, want marriage and kids.

TL;DR: BBW, loves Disneyland, TV and her pets (2 cats and 1 dog); looking for a fellow DDF guy, who wants to get married and have kids in a couple years, too.
My dream is to find the whole 9 yards: friendship, fall in love, get married, raise kids together, with our pets; then we retire someplace warm or with a beach view. Does that sound good to anyone else?
I'm looking for a serious, long term, monogamous relationship.
I hope to meet someone with some similar interests, so we have something in common, but not someone exactly the same as me, because I don't think that'd be interesting or make for a good partnership.
We’d be partners that help each other out, making life more enjoyable along the way.
If my long post is any indication, I’m a chatty texter; I respond as soon as I can. I will send things that remind me of you. Tell you how my day went, will want to hear about yours. I miss waking up to a good morning and ending the day with a good night text.
Apparently I have to say this explicitly. Only message if you are single and are also looking for commitment.
Locals only, because I do want to meet; COVID safe of course.
Be prepared to video chat. I have no desire to be catfished.
If you're allergic to cats and/or dogs, please don't message me. I know from experience, it's not going to go anywhere.
THE LONG POST:
I'll always have indoor pets in my life.
Let's see, I've watched: Ozark, Narcos, Narcos Mexico, Dead to Me, Legacies, Living with Yourself, Preacher, Fleabag, Silicon Valley, Twin Peaks (old, movie and new), Ray Donovan, On Becoming a God in Central FL, Penny Dreadful, The Umbrella Academy, Perry Mason, The Boys, Atlanta, What We Do in the Shadows (still need to watch the movie; it's not on any of my streaming services right now), The Orville, Atypical, rewatching Supernatural.
Honestly, if there isn't at least a plan to meet within a month of talking, I'm out. I'm not looking for a penpal.
(I’m not a cook, so eat out at like Chipotle and poke bowl places.
I like going to fancy restaurants a couple times a year.
I’ll only go to concerts if I’ve got a good seat. This usually means buying the ticket the moment they go on sale. I’m not paying scalper prices.
For travel, I like to do it as economical as possible. Though when I went to Europe, I had the fold down seat on the airplane; no way was I flying 17 hours in economy. But it wasn’t the fanciest seat either; it was the middle version.
I like staying at fancy hotels on occasion, but booked well in advance to get a good deal, which is about $300/night.
I have a Disneyland annual pass, I do get a cheap hotel there on occasion, when I can be there for 2 days in a row; doggy goes with me. Hopefully you’ll have or want a pass too; if you don’t like going, fine, but help buy them for our kids).
We’re adults here; adults pay their own way.
I am NOT looking to be a sugar baby and won’t be someone else’s sugar momma.
Only a guy willing to to get an STD test and wear condoms gets to touch me.
I'm not into any pain, only pleasure, for both parties.
No, I’m not looking for anything casual or a FWB. No we would not see if we’re sexually compatible out on the first few dates.
Sex is an important part of a lasting relationship, but it’s not the only thing. We have to click elsewhere before we get to sex.
Honestly, if we can't have sex at your place, then this isn't going to work out. I'm extremely tired of talking to guys who have all these seemingly reasonable parent/sibling reasons why I can't go to their place. I've had enough. It now sounds to me like these guys are really married and trying to find an unwitting mistress. I’m sorry if that isn’t you. I tried keeping an open mind, but I can’t do that anymore.
I love the idea of each of us having a private space to go to if we just need some alone time. I think that’ll be important when we have kids, and are 10+ years into this.
Honestly, the thought of sharing a bathroom again terrifies me. I think that if it was the social norm for everyone to have their own bathroom, the divorce rate would go way down.
I am looking forward to cuddling before we fall asleep and when we wake up, and having sexevery day, ha
I do need to be with someone who is okay with my animals sleeping in the room. My dog sleeps on his own side of my king sized bed. One cat usually sleeps on her own, but about 5 am, insists on sleeping on my feet. The other cat is a loaner. He sleep downstairs usually; on occasion he’ll sleep next to the dog.
Hopefully we can find some kind of compromise; maybe move to a duplex or we'd have a very big home, with a master bedroom, with attached his and her bathrooms.
Thank you for reading. I know this was long, but I know what I want. Has anyone seen the great early 2010s show Happy Endings? There’s a quote that I think describes what I’m looking for. Someone to realize: “I found a woman who was so sure of what she wanted, and she wanted me.” Brad to wife Jane, S2E18 ‘Party of Six.’
In the subject line, or first line of the chat, please put your eye color. This helps me weed through the guys who only claim to read my post. And if you really want me to respond, then mention things that we have in common. I’ve included more than enough things to kick off a conversation.
Those who need NOT apply:
submitted by RedditSuggestName to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]


2020.12.02 00:53 cheesychicky How do two outgoing introverts date each other? I'm new to this

TLDR; How do I an introvert date a fellow introvert early in the relationship? I want a nice balance of slow and steady but with some sort of affirmation it's not just one sided or a friendship in his eyes.
(I asked a similar question in dating advice and realized that's not a group that can easily relate)
I started seeing someone a little over a month ago and we've been out 3 times, one on one. Two of the dates were walking around the city and talking, the other was at my house listening to music and talking. We seem to get along well and enjoy each other's company. I recently realized I'm used to dating extroverted men who take the lead more aggressively and that works well for my personality as I'd rather follow than lead and risk rejection.
I assumed this guy was an extrovert because he's outgoing and extremely chatty, but he made a joke about being introverted then it all made sense to me. We went 3 weeks without talking between our second and third date and I took it so personally, as all of my prior extroverted dates were likely ghosting me when they did something like that. It took all of my strength to tell him that next time he was busy it was better just to tell me so I didn't make the assumption he was stringing me along and he apologized.
Fast forward to our third date and it was a great time and very chatty, even talking about some more personal topics along the way to get to know each other well. I guess my issue is that I'm getting anxious in this situation as I'm rarely attracted to fellow introverts so I don't usually struggle to read them or the situation. In this case, I know he needs his space as much as I appreciate my own. I do need some sort of reassurance that not hearing from him or his not immediately making plans for a fourth date isn't a sign he doesn't like me. We haven't kissed or held hands yet and we're both 25. Part of me wants to make the first move or bring it up in a casual way, but again I'm afraid of the rejection and I'm honestly quite sensitive. If I generally had reassurance I'd be less concerned with the physical aspect, but that's been how I get clear romantic vibes in the past.
submitted by cheesychicky to introvert [link] [comments]


2020.12.01 21:47 FeelTheCrude Starting nofap to alleviate missing ex girlfriend sexually

Hey all,
I have decided today after noticing something kind of strange I have been doing when masturbating. I broke up with long term gf 7 weeks ago and I noticed every time I fap I start to think about her during so... does not matter if I look at a woman who is completely different looking, it ends up happening. It is freaking me out that I am still chained up sexually by her. She was very attractive and good at sex and while sparing the details since this is not the place she was honestly a shitty and emotionally abusive girl.
That being said, I am noticing the masturbation affecting my life with attraction to other girls . I do not want my ex back at all, but I still have dreams about her sexually and still fap to her. It sounds pathetic, I know. I had sex with a girl the other week on a 1 night stand and I even ended up thinking about her during that in order to get over the finish line... this to me seems similar to having to think about porn while having real sex (this has happened to me before and nofap cured me)
I want to obviously completely eliminate the thought of this girl and I know this is a partially diff issue than a porn addiction but I find myself fapping so much that it is affecting my life. I will not be as confident and chatty when meeting new girls because I have basically drained all my T I feel like.
I want to become attracted to other real girls again and STOP thinking about my ex, and I figured Nofap was a good way to do this. My only fear is the longer I go and the hornier I get built up, I will end up failing nofap or getting sad about missing her again and thinking of her with rose colored glasses due to our great sex connection.
Has anyone ever suffered from a similar issue and used nofap to remedy this? I feel like I am ready to date a new girl from all perspectives as my ex really was bad for me all in all, and I want to be sexually driven again and form a new connection to eliminate my old thoughts. Wish me luck!
submitted by FeelTheCrude to NoFap [link] [comments]


2020.12.01 03:07 Cosmicmix TIFU by having party guests find my sex rag

Four years ago, this tragedy befell upon my life. Now it is time for you to hear this tale and pass it on to your ilk.
It’s winter 2016, and things are going pretty well: I was preparing to graduate with my bachelors degree in the spring, had a grad school lined up, worked out consistently and was dating a young woman who was shaping up to be something special (btw, we shall refer to her as my ex from here on.)
One evening I was at my ex’s house and we were keeping each other warm by summoning the beast with two backs. Ex’s roommates are hosting a party downstairs, but it was not really our scene, so we ditched to start our own party upstairs. A bit of context here is important: ex has a husky named Moose. Moose is a lovable and playful fellow, albeit a little too playful and chatty at times. These details matter.
As ex and I get close to the climax of our magic act of making the banana disappear, I reach for the closest thing I can find to finish on which happens to be a bathroom towel. No worries, I’ll plant my seed on this fabric and wash it later. My ex had me toss it to the side of the room and after a brief cuddle I went to the bathroom to clean up a bit. I was gone for maybe 1 minute and came back to chat with bae for a bit. A couple minutes into our chat and someone knocked at the door. Ex beckons for them to come in and it’s her roommate, who we will call Sandra. Sandra doesn’t seem to suspicious of anything which was my first fear; that we had been too loud. Instead Sandra states, “just a heads up, Moose brought your laundry downstairs to the party. He also drooled on it a ton, silly dog.” My mind stop. I know that’s not drool. How do I know? Because I watch in horrror as Sandra takes her hand from my exact cum spot and the unmistakable visual of semi-dried spunk is visible on the towel. Ex instructs Sandra to throw the towel on the ground, and Sandra proceeds to wipe the, “dog slobber” on her hand, on to her jeans, all over the ass pockets.
Door closes, and my ex starts crying laughing. I am in shock still and tell ex that I fucked up bad. Ex goes, “yeah, but she’s kind of a bitch anyway so who cares!” Only after I help my ex realize that Moose also had my turtle stew in his mouth did she gasp, at which she laughed even harder. Needless to say, Moose lost points in my book, and I started balding that year which I blame on him. Merry Christmas ya filthy animals.
TL;DR I came in a towel after making love to my ex and her dog decided to Amazon Same day deliver it to the party going on downstairs.
submitted by Cosmicmix to tifu [link] [comments]


2020.11.29 17:45 Monica-G Am I wrong for thinking I [26F] can have a lasting relationship with him[31M]?

Thank you in advance for the advice and for thanking the time to read all of this. So the man [31] I [26] am currently sleeping with have a bit of a messy past. My bad!
We met last July (2019) when I had recently been dumped. We met at a bar with our mutual friends. That same night I left early to go sleep with my ex. (Oops, First opinion not so great) Late last August, we meet again with our mutual friends. This time, I got a little bit more chatty with him. We ended up kissing that night and I gave him my number. My situation with my ex was very complicated which is something I was very upfront with him and he replied “don’t worry, get to know me, I’m patient and just know that you have another option” So I was instantly attracted. I got to know him, we went on a couple dates, he used to bring me coffee at work, we had double dates with mutual friends. Things are going well. Note that I haven’t slept with him since I was still technically sleeping with my ex.
Skip to October, he and I slept together. And I am staying at my ex’s [27M] house while he was away for 2 weeks and I took care of our cat. (Ex took the cat after break up1) On my ex ‘s return to town we got in an argument so we agreed to end all communication. Perfect, so I really started to look at the relationship I have with man [31] a lot more seriously. We start having more serious discussions about our future. What we want in life etc. Things are aligning. l would like to flag, he doesn’t know if he wants children (which I do) and he also does drugs quite often which I can handle but like you don’t need to be doing magic mushrooms at 31 every weekend when your a grown ass man, right?. (Major flags) but note that he has his life together. At the end of November, my ex resurfaced and we got back together for about a year. So basically I left the guy I am currently sleeping with for my then and current again ex. My ex and I broke up again in September 2020.
So I rekindled my relationship with the man [31] I am seeing. That said, this time, things are different. We basically only have sex (about 3-6 times a week) now. We cuddle, he stays over night, he comes over to shower or I’ll make him dinner, he gave me a bottle of wine for my birthday but always mainly he comes for sex. Sex is fucking good, which tbh I didn’t remember it was that good last time but now I am sorta obsessed with his dick haha He [31] was sorta seeing someone but ended it and is now only sleeping with me, as am I. So like exclusivity has been made clear. My first question is, how do I make him see me as a potential girlfriend rather than a fuck buddy after the way I treated him last year?
*** Also note! A major flag, 2 years ago I slept with and was in love with his really good friend [27M] I met the guy I am sleeping with now through friends I met with this guy [27M]. He has always known about the fact that I dated his friend but when I was seeing him before getting back with my ex they weren’t as close. Now, for some odd reason, they got very close and hang out very often. The guy I dated knows I am sleeping with his friend and is totally fine with it I think. Although he does still ask me to suck his dick (when he actually has a gf) So Is that a dealbreaker, that I dated his friend ? With all the facts, am I wrong for thinking that I can have a relationship where we put our past behind and start fresh or where we left off? What should I tell him to make it clear that I want a relationship with him and not a fuck buddy and is there a chance he can forgive me? Can I move on with this guy in a mature way? Daddy I need help with the mess I’ve made.
UPDATE! He asked me to go Christmas shopping for his mums and his sister and laws Christmas gifts on Saturday afternoon followed by a drink/ lunch. Is this a date?
submitted by Monica-G to dating_advice [link] [comments]


2020.11.29 02:36 curiousdodger20 Was it wrong for me to want a background check on a date?

This one is a bit messy. For context, I (20F) decided to get back into the dating scene for the first time in a couple of years. Obviously I cant really use the classic methods of meeting potential dates, so this year has driven me to do something I never would normally do. Online dating.
Anyways, if you look at my previous post in relationshipadvice, you’ll see a story about my best friend G(17F). This story will make a bit more sense with the context in that post, but you don’t need to read it.
Anyways, I had matched with this guy Ill call H. H(23M), seemed sweet and accomplished, and like me, was a criminal justice major. I met with him at a restaurant after messaging with him for a bit and while he was a bit braggy about his financial success and former service time as a police officer, the date went pretty well.
Now listen, I’m a girl who is pretty slow to trust, I’m not paranoid of people, but I believe in being safe rather than sorry. Just been thrown in the dirt too many times I guess. So when H kept mentioning how accomplished he was at 23, I was a bit suspicious. For example, this man claimed he was a law student, retired from the police, from a wealthy family (which he is), and had accomplished many flashy titles in his time as a police officer, amongst other weird things e bragged about. Keep in mind, he’s 23. I suppose these things are possible, but when he mentioned being a felonies officer and talking about his police gear he got to keep when he retired, I just don’t see him accomplishing all this in such a short period of time. Perhaps I’m ignorant of something. But, I mean for Pete’s sake he handed me his concealed carry on the first date and was showing me his fancy car and other weapons and fancy stuff, trying hard to impress. And while I know some girls like that, I don’t. I’m a country girl who Iives in the city and likes a simpler life. To travel and adventure and not be pampered. Anyway I’m not attracted to someone because of their wealth and certainly not if they are braggy about it. Which H definitely was. While financial stability is of course a great trait in a potential relationship, I don’t like to be spoiled. There are some girls who Ike that, and that’s great, but I don’t. He was charismatic and sweet and respectful which was appreciated but after the second date I had decided we just weren’t clicking. But I didn’t mind a friendship with him. After all it was nice to have a buddy who you could talk about crime stuff with.
Here’s where it gets gritty. My bff G lives near me and goes to the same college as me. I had expressed to her my concern about his strange level of success and while I had asked why he was no longer an officer, as well as keeping his police gear after retirement which as far as I’m aware, you turn that in when you’re done. I may be wrong about that I don’t know. I didn’t press the issue as there are many reasons one can retire from that line of work. But when he mentioned he “was given the option to retire” it hit me wrong. Not really red flags per say, but maybe yellow ones. But I didn’t press it. Here’s where I may be in the wrong.
The day after G got introduced to H when she messaged me wanting to get ice cream because she was having a hard time emotionally. This was during our second date. H noticed the message and volunteered himself to join us. I could’ve told him no as G has struggles with mental health and I had been helping her until she was of legal age to get professional help (check out previous post), but found myself asking G if he could tag along and she said yes.
Anyways the day after our little ice cream hangout, I was expressing to her the things about H that didn’t sit right with me, and debated on doing some research on him and possibly doing a background check on him. She disagreed and asked why I don’t just ask him. I said I dont really know this person, and I didn’t know if he was hiding some sort of record or if what he’d tell me was true. Also, it wasn’t in my opinion right to just bluntly ask him why he left the force as it could be related to a traumatic event. You just don’t ask someone that. But I wanted to make sure that my future interactions with H and my friend as well would be safe. I asked her to keep my concerns between us. I wasn’t sure the background check was necessary but I had played with the idea. Keep in mind that G is VERY much a people pleaser and naive and ‘felt bad’ about discussing our concerns and researching the guy behind his back.
She leaves my place and calls him without telling me and straight up asked him about why he left the force and told him she and I were concerned. I was upset by this and had to call him to apologize, telling him he was under no obligation to tell me. Luckily H was understanding and gave us an understandable reason for retiring. I wont say what the reason was but basically he decided that due to a bad interaction, he decided law was a better fit for him. I was upset with G for going behind my back and talking to him about it when I asked her not to. I expressed my hurt feelings and decided not to be so sharing with her from that point on. By this point I felt that my friendship w/H was strained and awkward. He wanted to eat dinner with the both of us and watch a movie at his place a few days later. I conceded with the idea but wasn’t jazzed about it, knowing it would be a bit awkward and by this point I had no desire to pursue dating him.
A week and a half after my meeting him, we went out for food. Please know that I am also a person that has a social energy meter that runs out fairly quickly when I’m around energetic people. G is a very hyper and chatty person. Possibly due to lack of confidence and her upbringing which makes her a bit socially awkward and socially starved. If you knew her you’d see that she has confidence levels in the negatives. I was tired that day and had a long day at work so I hasn’t very chatty, but I enjoyed myself well enough. We eat dinner and follow him to his place to watch Pride and Prejudice. Movie starts and I’m watching while G&H are chatting the whole time. I almost dozed off a couple of times and with how hyper G tends to be I wasn’t very interested in conversation. I just let them talk. Anyway, I had a shift at 5 am the following morning and had told G that we had to leave at a certain time so I could get decent sleep. When the time came to leave she just insisted on showing H funny and random videos and chatting longer. I was a bit annoyed at this because I was tired and they both knew that I had to get up early and it was already 11 pm. Finally managed to peel her away and we left, me dropping her off at her place.
I expressed that I was tired an reminded her that I needed to get up early and asked her in the nicest way possible to be a bit more considerate as she works as a tutor and doesn’t have to get up early. She apologized and I dropped her off. By the time I get home it is midnight and I’m exhausted both physically and socially. I get ready for bed and resign myself to more of a nap before my shift. 12:30 a.m. I get a call from G and then H asking to come over and talk to me because I seemed ‘bugged’ about something. I say no, and say it can wait until tomorrow and reminded them for them nth time I have to get up in four hours. They insist and I say fine and just to hurry up. I’m cranky when I’m tired lol. They both come to my apartment at 12:45 a.m. and sit me down in the living room like it’s some sort of intervention. I’m irritated and ask what they want to talk about.
They proceed to tell me that G had called H to ask if she was overbearing that night, and he asked if I had told her what I think about him, she told him about my previously mentioned concerns about him and the background check I thought about doing. He told me in his most polite way that he thought that was weird to do on a person I barely knew, I disagreed saying that he had to realize many things he said didn’t add up and given this day and age I had a right to be concerned, and I’d be foolish to trust someone right away. And that I don’t do this without cause. He acknowledged that what he had said was concerning. I told him I was sorry fo making him uncomfortable but I stood by the thought of checking things out. This guy also decided to tell me not to be upset with G as she ‘seeks to please me’ and gave me other opinions of his on our friendship. They also thought I wasn’t social tonight because they thought I may had been jealous. I cleared that up ASAP and said no, if they decided to chat and have a relationship, the only thing that would bug me about it was the fact that she was 17 and still a minor whereas he was 23. If age gaps are your thing then you do you. But I explicitly told them I didn’t care. I was hurt by G’s behavior and irritated by H. After he continued to try and give me ‘gentle advice’ I only barely kindly told him to get out of my apartment. Which he did.
I told G that this felt like some stupid high school drama bit and I felt betrayed by her choosing to value the potential discomfort of some stranger over the confidentiality of a best friend. I said that if she wanted to continue interacting with H that was her decision, but I didnt want to hang out with him again. I told her that I forgive her, but that don’t trust her with much anymore. She knew it would upset me and she did it regardless. I told her I didn’t want to hear that she was sorry and she wouldn’t do it again, because she already had, and that I wanted her to be confident in her decisions, but I also wanted her to know that her decisions had consequences and that she had crossed a line. I didn’t want her to please me. I hugged her and told her I wanted some distance and would message her when I felt like it. She nodded and left. I cried the second they from the emotional stress and barely slept that night. As someone who hates confrontation, I’m proud of myself for keeping my composure that night.
I firmly believe that H had no business giving his unwanted ‘feedback’ on a friendship that has existed for almost 4 years whereas we had only known him for less than two weeks and met with him together only twice. I feel he was meddlesome, but that may be hypocritical of me to say. I do feel bad that he felt weirded out by my debating on a background check but personally if someone did one on me I wouldn’t think it was strange. Ive dropped contact with this guy which he has respected.
After speaking with some family member as well as my trusted roommates who agree with me I feel justified in my actions but H’s words stick with me, was it a bad thing to do? And cutting back contact with G, was that bad as well?
So, was it weird of me for wanting to do a background check on the guy?
submitted by curiousdodger20 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.11.26 23:11 Jumpy_Acanthaceae_56 Is he interested or not? What do you think about my situation?

TL:DR I'm (29F) Unsure of where I stand with guy I'm seeing (29M).
Hi - I would like some advice/reassurance on this please. For context, i'm 29F. My last two relationships were abusive (Physical, sexual, emotional) - 7 years ago & most recently, lovebombing and eventual ghosting by someone who I believe is a narcissist (4 months ago). I am truly not sure what a "healthy relationship" looks like for me.
I've been seeing a guy(29M) for 2 months now, he's lovely, and sweet and honest and I really like him. We met on bumble, and when we first started talking, I found his replies a bit bland/not very flirty, but I agreed to meet with him, and was glad to find he was completely different in person, though a little shy. We've continued to see each other, however, a few weeks ago, we decided we would date casually, as we both just had bad break ups (see mine above). I still get anixiety attacks because of mine. Neither of us is seeing any one else, though we are not exclusive. He mentioned that he was worried about getting too attached and couldn't go through all the things he went through in his previous relationship again. (not sure what). I am also being careful because my last relationship ended awfully, and I do not want to get my heart broken. Of course, I am not holding any of the things from previous relationships against him. I dont want him to hold whatever his ex did to him against me either.
The thing is, while it seems like I'm making a conscious effort not to punish him for the things my exes did, it doesn't seem like he's doing the same for me, and that hurts. Is it worth me asking if he still wants to keep seeing me? I asked him this a month ago, the answer was yes, but I think I may need reassurance.
He is a musician, and like most others, his work has taken a hit because of the pandemic. To make money, he works as a waiter, independently produces music, and has just started a masters degree. So hes juggling a lot, and I am not holding that against him. In fact, I admire his resilience, its one of the things i like about him. I get that a relationship is not the highest thing on his list of priorities now.
Recently, I have been feeling neglected. We dont talk every day, which I think is normal for some people, though I would be happy to talk to him every day. I always seem to start conversations with him - this makes me feel needy sometimes, but when I like someone, I want to speak to them, even about the most mundane things. I dont get how you can have feelings for someone and go several days without checking in! When we text, i tend to say more, and it feels like I'm chasing him to talk to me. Sometimes, it takes him hours to respond, even when he's not working. He has mentioned to me that he hates messaging in general, and thats why he's so bad at it. English is also not his first language - which explains that. The thing is, no one wants to feel ignored by the person they have feelings for. I wouldn't do that to him. I struggle massively with this, because I really dont know what a healthy relationship looks like.
Right now, we are back in lockdown, so he doesnt have to wait tables any more. This took up most of his time. At first, we were both relieved about this, because it meant things would calm down for him work wise. He's focusing on his music and his studies and I honestly have no problem with the fact that he has a life outside me. Though I get how busy he is, I'm struggling to understand if he's so distant because he is no longer interested in me. When I see his friend's insta stories, he is laughing and being a geek, and it feels like he's holding back with me. I want him to be relaxed and weird when we are together! Lockdown has been tough on both of us, and coupled with winter, everyone is feeling a little down. However. when we first met, he said that if he didnt hear from a girl he was seeing in a few days, he would assume things were over which is weird, he seems content to go days without talking. Its almost like he forgets I exist. I am actually a little shocked if he starts a conversation on whatsapp. I asked him about it recently, and he joked, saying he was a complex person. What on earth? I note that since then he's started maybe 3 conversations, which is an improvement, but messaging me seems like a chore! i dont want to be a dull obligation!
I often wonder, if I dont suggest meeting up, or start a conversation, will I hear from him? Do I need to be bossy with him?
In person, he is the opposite, he's chatty, completely in the moment, doesnt constantly check his phone, and he is respectful. When we are together, all his attention is on me, and its the sweetest thing. We sleep holding hands and we are constantly in physical contact, everything feels organic and effortless. Very much like a honeymoon stage. Our conservations cover everything we have done since we last saw each other, he encourages me with things I have going on at work/healthwise and I do the same. Though we are not officially in a relationship, I would happily get into one with him, because he is truly a sweetheart. As someone who is still dealing with the after effects of my 2 previous relationships - i will likely have to deal with them for several years - I am trying not to overthink this, or project my past on to him. It just feels wonderful to have someone like you, and treat you the way you want to be treated (face to face, anyway). I do not want to lose him, but I cannot become a needy doormat because I want him to make a reciprocal effort.
So Reddit, my question is, what do you think? Am I overthinking the fact that he is a bad texter? Do you have any advice for me on what to do? Should I call it quits? What would you do in my shoes?
Please be kind in your responses, I am out of my comfort zone.
submitted by Jumpy_Acanthaceae_56 to AskMenAdvice [link] [comments]


2020.11.26 23:10 Jumpy_Acanthaceae_56 Is he interested or not, please advice

TL:DR I'm (29F) Unsure of where I stand with guy I'm seeing (29M).
Hi - I would like some advice/reassurance on this please. For context, i'm 29F. My last two relationships were abusive (Physical, sexual, emotional) - 7 years ago & most recently, lovebombing and eventual ghosting by someone who I believe is a narcissist (4 months ago). I am truly not sure what a "healthy relationship" looks like for me.
I've been seeing a guy(29M) for 2 months now, he's lovely, and sweet and honest and I really like him. We met on bumble, and when we first started talking, I found his replies a bit bland/not very flirty, but I agreed to meet with him, and was glad to find he was completely different in person, though a little shy. We've continued to see each other, however, a few weeks ago, we decided we would date casually, as we both just had bad break ups (see mine above). I still get anixiety attacks because of mine. Neither of us is seeing any one else, though we are not exclusive. He mentioned that he was worried about getting too attached and couldn't go through all the things he went through in his previous relationship again. (not sure what). I am also being careful because my last relationship ended awfully, and I do not want to get my heart broken. Of course, I am not holding any of the things from previous relationships against him. I dont want him to hold whatever his ex did to him against me either.
The thing is, while it seems like I'm making a conscious effort not to punish him for the things my exes did, it doesn't seem like he's doing the same for me, and that hurts. Is it worth me asking if he still wants to keep seeing me? I asked him this a month ago, the answer was yes, but I think I may need reassurance.
He is a musician, and like most others, his work has taken a hit because of the pandemic. To make money, he works as a waiter, independently produces music, and has just started a masters degree. So hes juggling a lot, and I am not holding that against him. In fact, I admire his resilience, its one of the things i like about him. I get that a relationship is not the highest thing on his list of priorities now.
Recently, I have been feeling neglected. We dont talk every day, which I think is normal for some people, though I would be happy to talk to him every day. I always seem to start conversations with him - this makes me feel needy sometimes, but when I like someone, I want to speak to them, even about the most mundane things. I dont get how you can have feelings for someone and go several days without checking in! When we text, i tend to say more, and it feels like I'm chasing him to talk to me. Sometimes, it takes him hours to respond, even when he's not working. He has mentioned to me that he hates messaging in general, and thats why he's so bad at it. English is also not his first language - which explains that. The thing is, no one wants to feel ignored by the person they have feelings for. I wouldn't do that to him. I struggle massively with this, because I really dont know what a healthy relationship looks like.
Right now, we are back in lockdown, so he doesnt have to wait tables any more. This took up most of his time. At first, we were both relieved about this, because it meant things would calm down for him work wise. He's focusing on his music and his studies and I honestly have no problem with the fact that he has a life outside me. Though I get how busy he is, I'm struggling to understand if he's so distant because he is no longer interested in me. When I see his friend's insta stories, he is laughing and being a geek, and it feels like he's holding back with me. I want him to be relaxed and weird when we are together! Lockdown has been tough on both of us, and coupled with winter, everyone is feeling a little down. However. when we first met, he said that if he didnt hear from a girl he was seeing in a few days, he would assume things were over which is weird, he seems content to go days without talking. Its almost like he forgets I exist. I am actually a little shocked if he starts a conversation on whatsapp. I asked him about it recently, and he joked, saying he was a complex person. What on earth? I note that since then he's started maybe 3 conversations, which is an improvement, but messaging me seems like a chore! i dont want to be a dull obligation!
I often wonder, if I dont suggest meeting up, or start a conversation, will I hear from him? Do I need to be bossy with him?
In person, he is the opposite, he's chatty, completely in the moment, doesnt constantly check his phone, and he is respectful. When we are together, all his attention is on me, and its the sweetest thing. We sleep holding hands and we are constantly in physical contact, everything feels organic and effortless. Very much like a honeymoon stage. Our conservations cover everything we have done since we last saw each other, he encourages me with things I have going on at work/healthwise and I do the same. Though we are not officially in a relationship, I would happily get into one with him, because he is truly a sweetheart. As someone who is still dealing with the after effects of my 2 previous relationships - i will likely have to deal with them for several years - I am trying not to overthink this, or project my past on to him. It just feels wonderful to have someone like you, and treat you the way you want to be treated (face to face, anyway). I do not want to lose him, but I cannot become a needy doormat because I want him to make a reciprocal effort.
So Reddit, my question is, what do you think? Am I overthinking the fact that he is a bad texter? Do you have any advice for me on what to do? Should I call it quits? What would you do in my shoes?
Please be kind in your responses, I am out of my comfort zone.
submitted by Jumpy_Acanthaceae_56 to dating [link] [comments]


2020.11.26 23:02 Jumpy_Acanthaceae_56 Not sure if he likes me or not. please help!

TL:DR I'm (29F) Unsure of where I stand with guy I'm seeing (29M).
Hi - I would like some advice/reassurance on this please. For context, i'm 29F. My last two relationships were abusive (Physical, sexual, emotional) - 7 years ago & most recently, lovebombing and eventual ghosting by someone who I believe is a narcissist (4 months ago). I am truly not sure what a "healthy relationship" looks like for me.
I've been seeing a guy(29M) for 2 months now, he's lovely, and sweet and honest and I really like him. We met on bumble, and when we first started talking, I found his replies a bit bland/not very flirty, but I agreed to meet with him, and was glad to find he was completely different in person, though a little shy. We've continued to see each other, however, a few weeks ago, we decided we would date casually, as we both just had bad break ups (see mine above). I still get anixiety attacks because of mine. Neither of us is seeing any one else, though we are not exclusive. He mentioned that he was worried about getting too attached and couldn't go through all the things he went through in his previous relationship again. (not sure what). I am also being careful because my last relationship ended awfully, and I do not want to get my heart broken. Of course, I am not holding any of the things from previous relationships against him. I dont want him to hold whatever his ex did to him against me either.
The thing is, while it seems like I'm making a conscious effort not to punish him for the things my exes did, it doesn't seem like he's doing the same for me, and that hurts. Is it worth me asking if he still wants to keep seeing me? I asked him this a month ago, the answer was yes, but I think I may need reassurance.
He is a musician, and like most others, his work has taken a hit because of the pandemic. To make money, he works as a waiter, independently produces music, and has just started a masters degree. So hes juggling a lot, and I am not holding that against him. In fact, I admire his resilience, its one of the things i like about him. I get that a relationship is not the highest thing on his list of priorities now.
Recently, I have been feeling neglected. We dont talk every day, which I think is normal for some people, though I would be happy to talk to him every day. I always seem to start conversations with him - this makes me feel needy sometimes, but when I like someone, I want to speak to them, even about the most mundane things. I dont get how you can have feelings for someone and go several days without checking in! When we text, i tend to say more, and it feels like I'm chasing him to talk to me. Sometimes, it takes him hours to respond, even when he's not working. He has mentioned to me that he hates messaging in general, and thats why he's so bad at it. English is also not his first language - which explains that. The thing is, no one wants to feel ignored by the person they have feelings for. I wouldn't do that to him. I struggle massively with this, because I really dont know what a healthy relationship looks like.
Right now, we are back in lockdown, so he doesnt have to wait tables any more. This took up most of his time. At first, we were both relieved about this, because it meant things would calm down for him work wise. He's focusing on his music and his studies and I honestly have no problem with the fact that he has a life outside me. Though I get how busy he is, I'm struggling to understand if he's so distant because he is no longer interested in me. When I see his friend's insta stories, he is laughing and being a geek, and it feels like he's holding back with me. I want him to be relaxed and weird when we are together! Lockdown has been tough on both of us, and coupled with winter, everyone is feeling a little down. However. when we first met, he said that if he didnt hear from a girl he was seeing in a few days, he would assume things were over which is weird, he seems content to go days without talking. Its almost like he forgets I exist. I am actually a little shocked if he starts a conversation on whatsapp. I asked him about it recently, and he joked, saying he was a complex person. What on earth? I note that since then he's started maybe 3 conversations, which is an improvement, but messaging me seems like a chore! i dont want to be a dull obligation!
I often wonder, if I dont suggest meeting up, or start a conversation, will I hear from him? Do I need to be bossy with him?
In person, he is the opposite, he's chatty, completely in the moment, doesnt constantly check his phone, and he is respectful. When we are together, all his attention is on me, and its the sweetest thing. We sleep holding hands and we are constantly in physical contact, everything feels organic and effortless. Very much like a honeymoon stage. Our conservations cover everything we have done since we last saw each other, he encourages me with things I have going on at work/healthwise and I do the same. Though we are not officially in a relationship, I would happily get into one with him, because he is truly a sweetheart. As someone who is still dealing with the after effects of my 2 previous relationships - i will likely have to deal with them for several years - I am trying not to overthink this, or project my past on to him. It just feels wonderful to have someone like you, and treat you the way you want to be treated (face to face, anyway). I do not want to lose him, but I cannot become a needy doormat because I want him to make a reciprocal effort.
So Reddit, my question is, what do you think? Am I overthinking the fact that he is a bad texter? Do you have any advice for me on what to do? Should I call it quits? What would you do in my shoes?
Please be kind in your responses, I am out of my comfort zone.
submitted by Jumpy_Acanthaceae_56 to dating_advice [link] [comments]


2020.11.26 23:01 Jumpy_Acanthaceae_56 Need advice on a guy I'm dating. Does he like me or not!

TL:DR I'm (29F) Unsure of where I stand with guy I'm seeing (29M).
Hi - I would like some advice/reassurance on this please. For context, i'm 29F. My last two relationships were abusive (Physical, sexual, emotional) - 7 years ago & most recently, lovebombing and eventual ghosting by someone who I believe is a narcissist (4 months ago). I am truly not sure what a "healthy relationship" looks like for me.
I've been seeing a guy(29M) for 2 months now, he's lovely, and sweet and honest and I really like him. We met on bumble, and when we first started talking, I found his replies a bit bland/not very flirty, but I agreed to meet with him, and was glad to find he was completely different in person, though a little shy. We've continued to see each other, however, a few weeks ago, we decided we would date casually, as we both just had bad break ups (see mine above). I still get anixiety attacks because of mine. Neither of us is seeing any one else, though we are not exclusive. He mentioned that he was worried about getting too attached and couldn't go through all the things he went through in his previous relationship again. (not sure what). I am also being careful because my last relationship ended awfully, and I do not want to get my heart broken. Of course, I am not holding any of the things from previous relationships against him. I dont want him to hold whatever his ex did to him against me either.
The thing is, while it seems like I'm making a conscious effort not to punish him for the things my exes did, it doesn't seem like he's doing the same for me, and that hurts. Is it worth me asking if he still wants to keep seeing me? I asked him this a month ago, the answer was yes, but I think I may need reassurance.
He is a musician, and like most others, his work has taken a hit because of the pandemic. To make money, he works as a waiter, independently produces music, and has just started a masters degree. So hes juggling a lot, and I am not holding that against him. In fact, I admire his resilience, its one of the things i like about him. I get that a relationship is not the highest thing on his list of priorities now.
Recently, I have been feeling neglected. We dont talk every day, which I think is normal for some people, though I would be happy to talk to him every day. I always seem to start conversations with him - this makes me feel needy sometimes, but when I like someone, I want to speak to them, even about the most mundane things. I dont get how you can have feelings for someone and go several days without checking in! When we text, i tend to say more, and it feels like I'm chasing him to talk to me. Sometimes, it takes him hours to respond, even when he's not working. He has mentioned to me that he hates messaging in general, and thats why he's so bad at it. English is also not his first language - which explains that. The thing is, no one wants to feel ignored by the person they have feelings for. I wouldn't do that to him. I struggle massively with this, because I really dont know what a healthy relationship looks like.
Right now, we are back in lockdown, so he doesnt have to wait tables any more. This took up most of his time. At first, we were both relieved about this, because it meant things would calm down for him work wise. He's focusing on his music and his studies and I honestly have no problem with the fact that he has a life outside me. Though I get how busy he is, I'm struggling to understand if he's so distant because he is no longer interested in me. When I see his friend's insta stories, he is laughing and being a geek, and it feels like he's holding back with me. I want him to be relaxed and weird when we are together! Lockdown has been tough on both of us, and coupled with winter, everyone is feeling a little down. However. when we first met, he said that if he didnt hear from a girl he was seeing in a few days, he would assume things were over which is weird, he seems content to go days without talking. Its almost like he forgets I exist. I am actually a little shocked if he starts a conversation on whatsapp. I asked him about it recently, and he joked, saying he was a complex person. What on earth? I note that since then he's started maybe 3 conversations, which is an improvement, but messaging me seems like a chore! i dont want to be a dull obligation!
I often wonder, if I dont suggest meeting up, or start a conversation, will I hear from him? Do I need to be bossy with him?
In person, he is the opposite, he's chatty, completely in the moment, doesnt constantly check his phone, and he is respectful. When we are together, all his attention is on me, and its the sweetest thing. We sleep holding hands and we are constantly in physical contact, everything feels organic and effortless. Very much like a honeymoon stage. Our conservations cover everything we have done since we last saw each other, he encourages me with things I have going on at work/healthwise and I do the same. Though we are not officially in a relationship, I would happily get into one with him, because he is truly a sweetheart. As someone who is still dealing with the after effects of my 2 previous relationships - i will likely have to deal with them for several years - I am trying not to overthink this, or project my past on to him. It just feels wonderful to have someone like you, and treat you the way you want to be treated (face to face, anyway). I do not want to lose him, but I cannot become a needy doormat because I want him to make a reciprocal effort.
So Reddit, my question is, what do you think? Am I overthinking the fact that he is a bad texter? Do you have any advice for me on what to do? Should I call it quits? What would you do in my shoes?
Please be kind in your responses, I am out of my comfort zone.
submitted by Jumpy_Acanthaceae_56 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.11.26 01:11 DripDropRaggaMuffin I’ve (22F) never been in a relationship, and feel like my probable-ADHD is a major reason

I had never so much as kissed the opposite (or same, as I’m bi) until I was 20, and that person turned out to be a big mistake.
I’m a big homebody so I’ve used dating sites, and the few times I’ve gotten past the chatting online, it’s ended not so great. Out of three, there was one where I ended things but by then it had become a FWB situation (which I was fine with) and I became disinterested.
No matter how well I get on with someone, one of two things happen: 1. I get incredibly bored and absent minded about messaging. Within minutes I can go from “I really like this person” to “this is boring and I don’t want to speak anymore”. 2. I really like them, and am an incredibly chatty person/ message a lot and it can get annoying. This usually scares them off. Or they use it as an excuse to not continue talking.
I’ve been on the path to getting a proper ADHD diagnosis for about 2 years, but the NHS is incredibly underfunded and it takes ages to get much done mental health wise unless it’s an immediate problem. I’m planning on saving up soon to see a price psychiatrist.
I get these “periods” of thinking why cant I just find someone who likes me but then it kinda disappears? And the idea of a relationship is the worst thing ever. So if I’m speaking to someone during that time option 1. Usually occurs.
Maybe I should talk to a therapist about this but I don’t even know if it’s a problems. I’m reasonably happy in life. I’m looking after myself well enough, have good friends and family, enjoy what I do day-to-day. It just feels like everyone else is a grown up and I’m a child stuck in an awkward adults body.
submitted by DripDropRaggaMuffin to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.11.25 19:35 TA_serrrrrnna AITA for not responding to messages off an acquaintance who has a bad health condition?

A few years ago I worked at a place with lots of other staff. It was an artsy type place, and we catered for people who had mental health problems etc.
When I was working there, I made a special effort to be friendly and chatty with everyone, both the service users and staff.
One particular staff guy there appeared to take a shine to me (so the other staff said). At the time I had a boyfriend and he would ask to see pictures of him, asked what we were doing at the weekend etc. On staff nights out he used to asked everyone if I was going and make an effort to be close to me/start conversation and what not.
He had some health issues (severe) which which progressive and affected his self esteem.
I always made it obvious I wasn't interested as I had a boyfriend.
Anyway when me and my boyfriend spilt up, I left work to start a new job. I didn't really have a good friendship with any of the staff so didn't really feel the need to stay in touch with them.
This guy liked all my picture on Facebook and I was happy to stay connected in that way (it made me a bit uncomfortable as I knew he maybe liked me, but I just thought it was a friendly thing to do, no need to remove that contact)
Anyway a few weeks later I started using a dating app and he sent me a message saying "fancy seeing your pretty face on here" with a wink emoji.
I know this is awful, but it gave me the creeps. I didn't reply and actually deleted the app.
A week later he sent me a message on social media asking how I was.
Again, I chose not to reply.
I know it's shitty, but I thought he'd know after 2 ignores that I didn't want to talk.
He then started responding to all the stories I did, with heart emojis or just general comments.
I was starting to feel really guilty that I was ignoring him, but I felt like in the past my friendliness had been misinterpreted as wanting to be more than friends.
He then started sending messages saying stuff like "I think I saw you in the mall today" or "we were in the park at the same time today".
I was getting a bit freaked out, but all my male friends told me to carry on ignoring him.
He eventually ended up sending me a lengthy message on Facebook (which my flatmate deleted before I read as it was sent at 2am and I felt would make me feel shit) and removing me as a friend.
This all spanned out over nearly 2 years.
My female friend found out the whole story today and said I should have been his friend as he had health issues and it was the nicer thing to do.
It seemed like he wanted to be more than friends though. Also, we didn't have much in common and without his health condition I wouldn't be feeling guilty!!!!
AITA for choosing not to respond or be friends with this guy
submitted by TA_serrrrrnna to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]


2020.11.23 16:57 Girlscoutdetective Anyone else STILL feel off about NK's involvement or lack thereof?? LENGTHY POST--

Okay so as I was responding to u/yasministhey on their post (quoted below) about NK it got me thinking about how we ALL feel so many different things when it comes to this case and maybe I am rehashing old/repetitive news but I just can't get over the idea that something is up with NK's involvement (or lack thereof). There is the argument that the police got it right and CW is the only one involved...I understand this notion BUT, I can't stop thinking that there is something majorly wrong/missing with this whole case. I am sure that there are hundreds of threads out there where someone has either solved it (unknowingly) or we are all just out in left field throwing darts at a wall. I think we can all agree or disagree that there is something else at play here... Does anyone else have any ideas or theories as to what this could be?
I think this posting is going to be a recap of what I have discussed in my other postings. I am super opinionated about my theories and speculations but would welcome the chance to see everyone's viewpoints and thoughts on this case.
  1. I want to say right off the bat-- after listening to the unmasking videos--NK's behavior and the way she talked about SW and the girls made me super nervous for them (and this is obviously noteworthy b/c we are all listening to NK's interviews with Law Enforcement AFTER the crimes were committed)...It makes my skin crawl at NK's blatant disrespect/disregard for SW and the Watt's marriage.
  2. I have posted ad nauseum in regards to this case and I still CANNOT get over how NK refers to SW/the kids/the Watt's marriage as "that woman, "those kids", "that couple", "her", etc. like she has no humanization, respect, intent for them at all.... it is the SAME feelings with CW's conversations regarding his wife and kids...like they want to erase their status, reputation and sanctity. The exception to this was when NK talked about SW being a good mother...that is the only time she seems to show SW any REAL regard (which is strange).
    1. NK was obviously up front with not knowing much about SW aside from what CW told her...with that said, I think CW told NK everything--feelings, desires, lies, etc. & NK responded to him in a way that made him come to the conclusion that he needed to kill in order to expedite his situation. NK showed CW how he deserved to be treated. Of course, NK can't be faulted for a decision CW made and did but I don't think she is completely innocent. CW didn't want to loose NK, this whole scenario is so sad.
    2. Did anyone else note that NK's father talks about her in the interview like he is proud of her--"she is a chatty little thing"...what!? It sickened to me for some reason, like OBVIOUSLY this isn't the time OR the place.
    3. What I can't wrap my mind around is the fact that I don't know if NK's voice changes and wording (aversion to using SW's name, acting like she doesn't know her work, etc.) is intentional or if that is NK's way of distancing herself from the thought that she was in love with a man that was capable of murdering his family and kids to be with her <--that is definitely understandable and doesn't make her guilty of anything. That is why I feel bad bashing her and speculating her guilt...we simply can't know for sure and that aggravates me to no end.
QUOTE:
I've just gotten to the 3rd part of the unmasking Nichol Kessinger and don't know how I feel about her. I feel like she was definitely trying to make herself sound better than she was and at times a little sketch--the fact that she refused to say Shanann's name--what are everyone thoughts who've watched this??? Anything that stood out to you??
^ I think u/yasministhey had the perfect description by stating that NK was trying to make herself sound better in this situation. She did a good job of trying to justify her actions/in-actions during the affair she was having with CW. It is clear that there was a much deeper involvement on the part of NK and CW with each other than NK EVER admitted.
  1. BEGINNING OF THE END--THE INTRICACIES OF AN AFFAIR
    1. NK couldn't bring herself to say SW's name...choosing to call CW and SW "that couple"was so out of place in the interviews. If NK WASN'T involved and/or had NO KNOWLEDGE before or after the murders were committed & hidden...then why did she go through everything she did--breaking the sim card, deleting texts-- if she wasn't guilty of anything but the affair--
    2. I think NK going to CW's house plays an important role in the murders--I would feel so ICKY being in another woman's shared marital home....NK relayed these thoughts to LE during her interview but CONTINUED to sleep with him b/c he was "sleeping in the basement"...since when do we take someone at their word in an affair?? That is RULE #1. I find it odd that NK is okay with being there to discuss CW's macros & diet/nutrition??? Are we sure NK didn't invite herself over to snoop and scope out the nature of his relationship with his wife? They could have discussed Macro's at Panera's FFS... that is evidenced when CW said NK got upset & he had to talk her off a ledge...what ledge do you walk out on in an affair, you are already on the ledge???! I think this shows her depravity, deeper involvement, emotional investment and disconnect in the relationship SHE was having with CW.
    3. I am sure the issues CW had with SW and his marriage came to light and were more pronounced when he was with NK...obviously this is b/c he is seeing someone else who isn't a part of his initial marriage or stressors... that is always going to be the case when you think the grass is greener on the other side. Lack of communication and respect will also get you here as well as stress forming from the actual affair, pressure from NK, pressure on yourself to stick to impending timelines, your wife having a baby (motive #1).
    4. CW was calculating. He was only thinking about HIMSELF. I am sure NK fed into this b/c she was providing CW with what she thought/he told heimplied that he didn't have at home...affection, compliments, no strings, no baggage, no real issues, no financial issues, background, history, arguments. She seems like the perfect "fresh start". He can be himself or whatever he wants to portray himself as b/c NK doesn't know the real him. He lied to her from the start, their entire "relationship" and the "relationship" he was having with his wife, friends/coworkers, kids, family...he didn't feel bad at all about having the affair -- engaging in a sexual, physical, emotional relationship with a woman (and self described "friend") other than his wife, ruining his marriage and trust between himself and his wife...he didn't care that SW was pregnant. He only wanted out of his situation. He told NK everything she wanted to hear in order to get her on his side. He just didn't calculate his wife and kids being discovered if at all.
    5. I think in regards to the sightings & other various random tips-- truck parked down the street, sightings of a man, a beer, a woman, etc. were all in my opinion ways for NK to snoop or to possibly assist in some way to clean up the scene/plant/remove evidence and/or maybe even set up an alibi? Police never confirmed the vehicle, etc. or spoke with Jim.
    6. This also might be a way CW planned to have all these "distractions" and "odd" sightings in the neighborhood in the weeks leading up to the murders--it wouldn't be so "odd" if a car or person was seen frequently in a neighborhood during the time of a murder if they had been visiting or passing through for over a month. You would be less likely to report that. Bravo to the neighbors who provided tips.
  2. CW PSYCHE--HIS DEEP CONNECTION AND OBSESSION with NK
    1. I think for the first time, CW felt what it was like to deeply and instantly connect with someone that was like himself--he didn't have to change or alter anything about himself to be with her (except for the little fact that he was married and had kids/1 on the way), I think he felt a strong connection that superseded that of the connection with his wife and family--I think it overshadowed anything he had ever known before and there was no going back
      1. ^this could also be b/c he didn't want to shut his relationship with NK down. He chose to connect and engage instead of doing what was right. He chose to portray himself as available and soon-to-be divorced. He chose that. He wanted that. He didn't want NK to leave.
      2. CW seemed to have a plan in mind if you refer to his video on relationships-- it plays out almost word for word except for the murders. He had long been researching and knew of ways to try and fix a relationship--all including the "meeting a new friend at work", "seeing if that relationship is worth engaging in over your current one", etc. etc. etc. *BARF*
      3. He told NK he loved her (more than she told him--I think that is b/c she felt a twinge of guilt and regret--she knew the affair was wrong--she admitted this and rightly so). I think it was a very powerful feeling THEY felt and he meant for the first time...he loved NK. I think he thought he loved SW and when the feelings started to develop (unwanted at first) for NK, he thought having a kid with his wife would help change his mind but once he initiated with NK he couldn't go back...even after SW fell pregnant.
  3. PREEMPTIVE STRIKE THEORY:
    1. I think there was a plan between NK and CW...for what I don't know but we know in NK's search history--she was googling wedding dresses. There must have been a thought in her mind that she would be marrying CW soon...
    2. NK made herself very involved, injecting herself on numerous occasions into the investigation. I can't figure if this is b/c she wanted to be center of attention or if she wanted to know where she stood & what was going to happen to CW. It seems almost planned??
    3. If I am not mistaken didn't NK volunteer that she was having sex/seeing/involved with CW before CW admitted it to law enforcement? or was her meetings with LE just a ruse to get LE off of another trail and to make NK seem guilty of just an affair? NK seemed desperate to try and get ahead of the situation by meeting with LE...but I think that was a grab to get information and to see where the investigation was going.
  4. CW'S FINAL STRAW
    1. I think that once SW realized she couldn't fix her relationship with CW and there was possibly someone else--I think she went into overdrive trying to fix things. Initially SW seemed to back off & give CW space but I think eventually SW would have put 2+2 together, gone up to the work site to see who the other woman was. It is possible she might have confronted people at CW's job...or at least threatened CW with that to get him to be honest with her. I think SW was worried about being left while pregnant, I think she was worried she had lost someone who JUST changed within the "past 5 weeks"...in the short amount of time...she thought she could still bring her husband around. I think she was worried about finances and loosing the life they had. Out of fear and anger she might have lashed out and threatened what CW said--how she would take the kids away, etc. and that might have been the last straw for him. I think CW waited on SW to come home that night, I am not sure if NK was in the house or not but I think she was much more involved with CW and the murders than she let on. She was on the phone with him WAY TOO MUCH for it to be "nothing". I think CW attacked her either as she was getting into bed or shortly after she fell asleep...or he roused her out of bed with some sort of "emergency" with the girls, hid her phone, attacked her. Somehow I can see NK being there or involved. <
    2. I think CW was done with SW the moment he started engaging with NK and once that happened SW was nothing to him anymore except for a problem. He cut her off.
MY QUESTIONS & THOUGHTS:
NK's energy is sketchy no matter which way you dice it and that could all be boiled down to her personality and lack of caring if she truly thought CW was getting divorced. NK was all-in and fully intended on being the next Mrs. Watts. You can see NK come to Jesus a few times in the interviews and while she might have finally realized the mistake she made & the finality/reality of the situation she was in...somehow I still DOUBT IT. I am sure she feels horrible...but she is more upset at the fact that **SW was pregnant and CW withheld it/played it off than anything else...**NK is upset that an unborn baby died & the girls died.
We all think NK looked SW/CW up online PRIOR to engaging in the affair (speculation). I don't know where I am going with this theory but it relates to NK withholding so much information that we will never be able to prove>>> I think her lack of concrete discussion is the ONLY thing that has kept her out of custody in addition to CW's confession and protection.
My issues with NK could be that she tries to project herself in a minimal/bystandevictim/unaware sort of light<< that bothers me the most b/c she isn't being completely truthful or honest which is why her being so "visible" and "cooperative" by "volunteering" to see the detectives had me feeling a certain way. She never actually tells them anything they DON'T ALREADY KNOW....instead, she spins them in circles and detours them with "I am getting ahead of myself" and "I will get back to that later" or "you already know that" and "you will see when you go through my texts/logs" SO MUCH that I feel like her interviews are pointless. She NEVER gets back to anything real, the detectives never stop her and make her clarify...they never steer her back to what she was going to say...they only ask her how CW appeared, if he told her anything, etc. and she spends most of the interviews verifying information that isn't really proving anything new or substantial except for timelines correlating to dinner and sex...just the bread and butter of an affair. Why would she say she will get back to something or reveal something and never do it? Why did the detectives not feel like that was important to circle back and ask her? Were they only interested in NK and CW's activities leading up to CW leaving for NC? I feel like the night he went to the game--her response seemed to not line up with his when I thought they were together? I believe it was the night before the murders or the weekend before??
How can LE determine her guilt or innocence if the interview just hashes and rehashes the same stuff in a circle revolving around the same dates?? Her phone pinged nearby from what I understand on the night/morning of the murders but that seemed to be glossed over? Is that true--can someone verify and/or shed light that has a deeper understanding of the timeline(s)? The only person the cops/detectives seemed interested in about nailing down a timeline was CW...they didn't go much beyond him in their investigation to a point of not even looking into valid and credible accomplices if any--they told NK she was ruled out pretty much from the jump and whether or not that was a tactic to get her to feel comfortable they seemed extremely satisfied with that result. Once CW confessed that seemed to close out their investigation.
What are your thoughts on Nk's involvement--even if it is just something as minor as influencing him and/or being involved with some knowledge after the fact. I am not sure if that means she knew something was wrong when she talked to him on the phone and didn't tell anyone... or if she had her dad/Jim involved and is playing dumb. It makes me wonder if CW and NK's dad/Jim knew of each other and talked prior--has this been discussed/proven? It doesn't sit right that NK deleted texts but then admitted to an affair that same day...why hand over your phone if you are going to delete stuff and break a sim card? and with CW protecting her it leads me to the conclusion that she is involved. Simple as that...he is protecting her OVER his wife and kids...something is going on there even if it is all in his head and he is actually diluted and crazy...there is something wrong with this entire picture.

EDITED TO ADD: If you are interested in similar topics of discussion, I posted similar stuff on WattsALTWorld
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2020.11.22 21:33 dude101195 Completely blindsided

Sorry this is a long post everyone. Please read TL;DR if you’d like.
Well, I have been dating this girl for a year. First 3 months I was very patient with her. She was struggling to learn to love again because her last BF dumped her one day, without a good reason and completely broke her heart. Eventually our relationship grew and the last 9 months we have developed a dynamic I never thought could exist with someone. I’m 25 and I felt like I was truly in love for the first time.
I felt that the pandemic did not affect the relationship too much. She lost her job and was on unemployment and I was not working. So we spent a lot of days just bumming around her apartment enjoying eachothers company. Me and her never argued. Never raised our voice. This girl was just not a negative person at all and that's a personality trait i am just attracted to. The relationship after some time had a very solid foundation.
So fast forward to last week… her roommate was really driving her up the wall (she is very neurotic and puts herself in destructive relationships with people and annoys my girlfriend about it) Me and her had finished our usual weekly routine of making dinner and hanging out twice a week. Now comes the weekend. She tells me that she has a chance to hang out with other friends, one group of friends I know and trust on Friday, one group of her coworkers on Saturday. When she told me, I told her 100% to go out (since she hasn't been doing that at all during covid) and enjoy her weekend with her friends. She vaguely told me where she was going Saturday but I didn’t really seem to mind because she told me she was going to be with a lot of coworkers at a ‘work’ party. Come saturday, she's not very chatty with me. That’s okay. She had a long night on Friday. So I didn’t seem to mind she wasn't responding. Now came Sunday, still no response. I sent her a meme on twitter and she responded to that but nothing in response to “how's it going” By the time sunday night came around, she sent me that text “Sorry I’ve been absent this weekend. We need to talk” She called me. Told me she wanted to break up with me. I asked why. She said she met someone at a bar… a bar?! (We live in illinois and the restrictions just went crazy two weeks ago) Once her coworker party was over, one of her guy friends, Zach, who I trust, told her he was going to move the party to a local bar because some of his friends were there and he invited her with. So when she got to the next bar she told me she locked eyes with a guy across the room and told me she felt like she knew him. And she told me she ‘had a strong feeling with him that she hasn't had with me’. This is news to me. She had never told me ANYTHING like that at all whatsoever. At that point, there were no red flags or indicators at all. But we will get back to that late part later. So. She meets this guy, apparently he was best friends with her coworker Zach. They hit it off. They have never met before. They're both saying the cliche ‘love at first sight’ lines. “I feel like I know you” Mind you, she told me she was intoxicated before she got to this bar. And also quite honestly I know for a fact this was the first bar she has been to on her own accord since the pandemic struck. So i was shocked that she ended up there.
She goes home with him. They have sex. She stays the night and spends all the next day with him. I never heard from her at all on Sunday so I was a little worried but I kept telling myself I need to trust her, I need to trust her. Then later she goes home that night and calls me up to explain everything. First I figured this guy was just another pawn in this debacle but she told me he knew she had a boyfriend before they did anything. At this point I’m sick to my stomach. The phone call ends. And I play everything over and over in my head. The only flag that came up was this: In the middle of the night, a few weeks ago. She woke me up in my sleep, calls me by my name and asks “When will my life start?” me being just awoken from a sleep i hesitated thinking thats a weird thing to say. And i gave her some BS answer so i could back to sleep because I figured she had another nightmare and was having an existential moment. Which she has had times before and always talk them out. But it was so late neither of us wanted to continue that conversation. So I wake up the next day and forget about it. Until now. WOAH did that hit me like a truck. I believe that WAS a red flag but how could i have known. It was such a weird occurrence I wish I could have gone back.
With that being said. I was willing to forgive and forget. She never told me she felt any differently about me until she wanted to break up. I wanted to give it a chance and I try to make it work. I thought this was fair, right? What do I have to lose? I met up with her a few days later after not speaking and trying to cope with the news. When I met there, she had made up her mind. She wanted to be with him. We talked all night. Rollercoasters of emotions from both of us. At one point I begged for her to come back and try to make us work before moving on. She eventually asked me to stay the night. I thought that was hopeful. We woke up the next day, talked all day. Still the same rollercaoster of emotions. Constantly going back and forth. She wants to be with him. She wants to give me a chance. She was on the fence. Mind you at this point I had spent 24 hours at her apartment. At one point during the day she even texts the other guy on her own will that she was having second thoughts about him! He texted her back saying that he understood but was definitely upset. Eventually I leave to go to work under the agreement I will give her some days to think about things before making any decision. I go to work and within 3 hours she told me its completely done. I havent talked to her since. That was this past wednesday. It’s Sunday now. 1 weeks since she told me. I’m not sure how to feel at this point. My heart is obviously broken. I have barely been eating the last 7 days. I have no appetite. Ive kept myself busy. Started swimming again. I have a good support system to go to. A small group of friends and work to keep me busy. But I still miss her. I think she will come back because that night we talked I poked so many holes in her ‘new relationship’ with this person. She made it seem like he was the one true love. How does true love start off well when both parties know that cheating is going on?? She told me that she has cheated in the past. I was unaware of that as well... Is my girlfriend okay? Should I be worried about her well being? She told me she never really gets depressed. Why did she ask me to stay the night and all the next day if she was just going to break it off anyways? Am I crazy that I begged for her to stay with me? I really told her that at this point that relationship with this person was not going to end well and you might as well come clean with that person now so less feelings are hurt and try to make it work with me before anything else. That just seemed more safe for everyone. There is a lot more context about my gf about her Dad and Mom issues and other BF issues. At the end of the day, I just wish she wasn’t with that guy. I wish she would have just broken up with me the right way. Not this way. It was so destructive on her part. I’m worried that she's going to end up in this never ending cycle of doing this to others and herself.
I loved her so much romantically but now it’s more platonically. I’m worried she's just going to end up alone in this world. She is going to keep hurting herself and the others around her. I’m worried she will try to come back too and I don’t know what to do if that happens. The open line is still there. She didnt block me and I didn’t block her. I gave her the ultimatum of stay with me and we can try, otherwise you won't see me ‘again’. She wanted to be friends with me because she more or less compared me to her “best friend for the last year that she needed”. TL;DR GF of 1 year cheated on me then broke up with me within 24 hours of meeting a random person at a bar. She wanted to stay friends. I wanted to give us a second chance to forgive and forget. She was on the fence for a few days but eventually broke it off with me.
I am genuinely worried about her and don’t know what to do.
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2020.11.22 21:25 Reader_girl1 Recap different podcasts talk about Dr. Joe!!!!

Hi guys!! So i always listen to a lot of podcast/youtube recaps about the episodes and giving the special ocassion that ABC have finally decided to show some air time of Dr. Joe and people start to notice even in podcast, here is my recap for what some of them have to said about him.
-Chatty Broads (82:40-83:35).
Bekah said that she loves him and his personality. Both said that he will be fantastic on BIP, they are sleeping on Joe and both agree he is hot. Jess said that she demands more of him. They love everything about him and they also love that he is friend with Brendan and they love that duo.
-Behind the Rose. Guest: Taylor Nolan. (23:00-23:30).
Blake said that "Joe is the man", he loves him, he stood out to him and like that he own that he was scared and he wasnt take himeself to seriously and is in touch with his emotions. (Taylor didn't comment on this part but I like her perspective).
-Bachelor Happy Hour (7:14-7:55).
Rachel is waiting for Joe to have his moment because the only time they hear him speak was when Margaret Cho was on the show. Rachel said that don't only show him when there is other Asian on the show, she was bother by that. Becca said that Joe has a lot of humor.
-Here To Make Friends. (20:37-21:23).
Joe shine in this episode and he stans out in this episode and they adore him and want to hang out with him if it wasn't for covid.
-Rosecast ( 39:11-40:13).
Ab said that he likes origami Joe. Rim said that who doesn't like Joe and that he was funny.
-Off the Vine. Guest: Lauren Zima. (28:30-28:45)
LZ said that she enjoy Joe on the date on the wrestling date, he was true joy and delight. Kaitlyin said that he is such a sweethear and seems like a really nice guy and she hopes she sticks around.
-Roses and Rosé with Lauren Zima (18:30-19:37).
She live that Joe give such a funny comments and with his trash talk saying "you are a really nice guy". LZ ask herself if she is in love with Joe and if she is obsessed with Joe. Can't stop thinking about this: 36 years old, anesthesiologist, funny, calls himeself a lover not a fighter, is he the only option? She put segments with a song that says "is this love what i feel" and scenes with Joe.
Joe answer this segment from R&R and LZ saw it and love the parody. Here are the post segment LZ Joe response
-Game of Roses. Recap (42:58-43:26).
Lizzy(pacecase) said that Joe Park has a little fun colorful narrator about been weak and does a cute thing in the man of man intimidation saying that he has nice eyes. Lizzy is on the Joe train (yeih!!). Clues is curious to see how the instagram is gonna do after the episode because he was featuring a lot more and has nice moments.
Episode from friday of GOR (15:45-15:59). Lizzy says that Bachelor Nation reddit fave Joe Park gain 6.1 K nearly double his following with 13.1 K (he is now in 19.2 K) for his colorful narratator ITM handle the pyshical fight in the group date with humor.
-Bachelor fantake (8:52-8:55).
He only said that Joe is a king of trash talking.
-The Viall Files. Guest: Fortune Feimster ( 28:07-28:56) [don't judge me his recaps are upload it an hour after the episode airs and i only listen to the recaps]
Krissy the producer said that her favorite part of the episode was Joe narrating. Nick said that he was fantastic this episode that they haven't have a lot of Asian representation and he hopes he goes really far. Fortune said that his humor really was show. All said that his humor was so great, a lot of selfawerness, good looking and good job. Krissy and Fortune said that he is a catch.
-Bachelor Party. Guest: Brett Vergara (13:00- 15:10, 40:39-41:16).
Both Juliet and Brett said that on the "grown ass man" date Ivan and Joe were underestimated because they are really smart and Brett said that not only in the date but in general. Brett also said that this was Joe's episode and both agree that he really shine in this episode. Brett said that Joe needs enough time to audition to BIP. Juliet said that it was a good day because gave us a lot of Joe and she was interest to know about him before the episode. She said was very much need it and people were clamoring for Joe and was so excited to see him.
Juliet say on the episode of Thursday (39:07-39:37) that she enjoy Joe's segments, he probably is the smartest one there and he is selfaware ans she thinks he is gonna be a fan favorite. She also comment that someone like him she prefers to be a doctor and not go to BIP because seems like things are going great for him on his work.
I know this post is a recap of only some minutes of talking about him, but i'm glad that the podcasts are talking about Joe. Hopefully this will bring more attention to him and ABC understand that we want more screen time of Joe.
P. S. Also want to ask is some of you can DM and comment on the post of the ig of Bachelor Happy Hour and ask if they can invite Joe Park to the podcast. Rachel said in the last episode to DM to the podcast who we want as a guest and if they see a lot of interest maybe they will invite him and we get to know him more. Here is the ig https://www.instagram.com/bachelorhappyhou?igshid=1nbv36qu97qka
I hope you guys like the recap!!
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2020.11.22 20:06 teatimelane Hosting a friend’s kids and nanny for a play date

Not a parent or nanny but will be hosting one for a play date so looking for advice.
My friend’s nanny will be coming to our house for a play date on a day where she has an extra long shift for my friend.
Kids are 8 and 2. 8 year olds do their own thing upstairs, don’t bother the adults at all. 2 yo’s are kind of different. They are friendly with each other but just sort of play near eachother and want more adult interaction but my friend and I are usually able to chat and sit for a while as they play.
I’ve met the nanny at the bus stop but that’s about as far as our interactions go. She’s about 10 years younger than I am and has never been super friendly or chatty at the bus stop.
Any advice for how to make this not awkward and comfortable for the nanny? I feel kind of bad that she’s being forced to socially interact but she agreed to it knowing that this will be a super long day and the break from 8yo will probably be much needed.
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2020.11.22 19:47 shayanzarrin Did me being too wired on adderall ruin my first date?

Hey everyone I went on a first date with this girl last week and I was on two 50 mg vyvanse (I took them 5 hrs apart) one at 4 am before my job and another one at 11 in the morning, we met up at 2. I took it cause I had a lot of shit I had to do for school that day and I was sleep deprived af cause I was out late the night before. But anyways I thought the adderall would help me be more confident and chatty cause I have social anxiety, and it did I was confident and talking a lot and I thought that the date went really well, but she ended up blocking me an hr after I got home. I’m afraid me being too cracked out turned her off cause I was talking really fast and dominating the convo and talking about myself a lot, but I didn’t think she could notice but I’m not sure. Do you guys think she could tell that I was on some sort of upper?
Thanks
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2020.11.21 23:16 throwawaitaminute- Me 32F questioning longevity with 34M due to 2 things

Long but bear with me please, I’d love any advice. I (32F) have been with my current bf (34M) for roughly 6-7 months. He lives 1-1.5 hours away and currently lives with a family member as he is trying to save money. Because of this, we spend most time at my place and we typically hang out only on weekends because of the 1-1.5hour commute he would have to work. We have similar values and want similar things in the future. It’s the calmest, healthiest relationship I’ve had to date. There wasn’t that sweeping exhilaration of butterflies in the beginning, but more of a slow burn, so we also became friends, which I like. Our 2 biggest sources of conflict are the following:
1) amount of time we hang out- ive made it clear I want more than a weekend relationship at this point in my life, and every now and then I get my feelings hurt that he doesn’t view a 1.5 hour commute as worth it. He has surprised me before, and stayed with me during the week when I was sick, but otherwise we typically only hang out on weekends. I am often the one asking for “more time” and it hurts that he’s never expressing that he wants more without me initiating the convo first.
2) what I perceive to be a lack of affection on his part. He’s not very chatty or expressive naturally, so it’s not that it’s done to be cruel or withheld. It’s just, he never tells me how sexy I look or am, or what he loves about me. Hes not touchy either. Rarely seeks out physical intimacy of touching/kissing/cuddling (sex is regular) He’s not a man of many words so I’ve come to accept this, but I feel like sex and intimacy are directly influenced by how your partner makes you feel/how you think they perceive you. I’m not looking for him to improve my self confidence, as I feel I am acutely aware of my own strengths/weaknesses and recognize that self acceptance cannot be fullfilled based on the words of someone else. It’s just, I often feel in the dark with what he likes about me. I go out of my way to look good and it hurts when he never compliments an outfit or flatters any of the efforts I make. I’ve brought it up and he’s aware it’s not one of his strengths and is willing to work on it.
These are our 2 biggest points of contention, other than this, we get along just fine and it’s the healthiest and calmest relationship I’ve ever had. His actions make it clear he cares and I don’t doubt his integrity, he helps with projects around my place, and does what he can within time and means. I’m used to very intense relationships with lots of arguing, with partners that were excellent at “love bombing.” I can’t tell if I’m just used to excessive amounts of affection from unhealthy relationships, or if these 2 issues should be considered possible reasons to go our separate ways due to long term compatibility issues. Thanks!
TLDR: I (31F) am 6 months into relationship with bf (33m) and unsure if our 2 sources of conflict (lack of physical/verbal affection from him, and limited time spent together due to living 1-1.5 hr away) should be viewed as reasons to break up due to compatibility or if they are common hiccups. I have had several toxic relationships and this is the calmest, healthiest relationship I’ve been in. Can’t tell if these issues will eventually create larger rift, or if I’m looking for perfection.
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2020.11.21 23:04 throwawaitaminute- Me (32F) questioning longevity of relationship with 34M

Long but bear with me please, I’d love any advice. I (32F) have been with my current bf (34M) for roughly 6-7 months. He lives 1-1.5 hours away and currently lives with a family member as he is trying to save money. Because of this, we spend most time at my place and we typically hang out only on weekends because of the 1-1.5hour commute he would have to work. We have similar values and want similar things in the future. It’s the calmest, healthiest relationship I’ve had to date. There wasn’t that sweeping exhilaration of butterflies in the beginning, but more of a slow burn, so we also became friends, which I like. Our 2 biggest sources of conflict are the following:
1) amount of time we hang out- ive made it clear I want more than a weekend relationship at this point in my life, and every now and then I get my feelings hurt that he doesn’t view a 1.5 hour commute as worth it. He has surprised me before, and stayed with me during the week when I was sick, but otherwise we typically only hang out on weekends. I am often the one asking for “more time” and it hurts that he’s never expressing that he wants more without me initiating the convo first.
2) what I perceive to be a lack of affection on his part. He’s not very chatty or expressive naturally, so it’s not that it’s done to be cruel or withheld. It’s just, he never tells me how sexy I look or am, or what he loves about me. Hes not touchy either. Rarely seeks out physical intimacy of touching/kissing/cuddling (sex is regular) He’s not a man of many words so I’ve come to accept this, but I feel like sex and intimacy are directly influenced by how your partner makes you feel/how you think they perceive you. I’m not looking for him to improve my self confidence, as I feel I am acutely aware of my own strengths/weaknesses and recognize that self acceptance cannot be fullfilled based on the words of someone else. It’s just, I often feel in the dark with what he likes about me. I go out of my way to look good and it hurts when he never compliments an outfit or flatters any of the efforts I make. I’ve brought it up and he’s aware it’s not one of his strengths and is willing to work on it.
These are our 2 biggest points of contention, other than this, we get along just fine and it’s the healthiest and calmest relationship I’ve ever had. His actions make it clear he cares and I don’t doubt his integrity, he helps with projects around my place, and does what he can within time and means. I’m used to very intense relationships with lots of arguing, with partners that were excellent at “love bombing.” I can’t tell if I’m just used to excessive amounts of affection from unhealthy relationships, or if these 2 issues should be considered possible reasons to go our separate ways due to long term compatibility issues. Thanks!
TLDR: I (31F) am 6 months into relationship with bf (33m) and unsure if our 2 sources of conflict (lack of physical/verbal affection from him, and limited time spent together due to living 1-1.5 hr away) should be viewed as reasons to break up due to compatibility or if they are common hiccups. I have had several toxic relationships and this is the calmest, healthiest relationship I’ve been in. Can’t tell if these issues will eventually create larger rift, or if I’m looking for perfection.
submitted by throwawaitaminute- to relationships [link] [comments]